Ravings of the Maverick

          How many of you have felt drawn to a dream but haven't been able to fulfill it? See it flit away right in front of your eyes? Have felt the pangs of pain, sadness when you realize that if only I would have just followed my heart and tried? Losing a dream out of maybe laziness or maybe uncertainty or maybe out of pure sheer inability or inadequate resources to achieve the dream?

          Well for me, it has all these reasons together which made me lose my dream. For starters, a brief background of my circumstances. I work in a good reputed IT MNC Company. I own a i10 and just recently I have purchased a 2 BHK flat on loan basis. My salary package is good enough for the loan EMI cut, but just about enough. After all deductions and other expenses, I would be living a hand-to-mouth expenses for the next few months till my salary package improves. So no more frivolous expenses, no expensive purchases, anything. I seemed to have made up my mind about it and gotten ready for the grind, but then it happened.

          I love cars. I like the feel of the machine, the powerful grunt of the engine when I floor the accelerator. I like the squeal of the brakes and the tyres when I drop from a fast 60-80 kmph to a mere 20 kmph. I love the short gear shifts of my car which allows me to cycle through the gears at rapid pace. I have loved all the racing movies like 'Days of Thunder', all parts of 'Fast and Furious'. My favourite Computer Game has been 'Need for Speed' and it has recieved unrivalled attentiona and practise from me. TO let you all onto a small secret, I actually broke a joystick racing on 'Need for Speed II'.

          My fetish with cars has grown stronger over the last few years, from the release of 'Fast and Furious' movies, the umpteen releases of 'Need for Speed'. But this fetish reached a new high when I played 'Need for Speed Underground'. The game, as all know, has the great feature of customizing cars, right from fenders, exhausts, multiple layers of car paints, custom graphics, car hoods, engine upgrades, blah, blah, blah. I played the game for weeks, unrelentleesly pounding the keyboard controlls, doing a mid town dash, or a drift through one of many curved roads. Loved the game. But after winning all the tracks, all the championships races and the final Grand Champion title, the thing that stuck to me was the Car Customization possible. This led me to enjoy shows like 'Pimp my Car' and 'Street Customs' on the TV channel 'Travel and Living'. I loved the crazy ideas being implemented, all the beautiful color combinations and the graphics, converting old relics to big bad slugs. And yes beautiful ones too. One of the things which I want on my car is a bright yellow color and two pitch black pin stripes running down from the boot to the hood. Possibly want a NO2 powered engine too but well that's for later. But my current car is a simple i10. Not much ground to play on.

          And then I saw it, the baby of my dreams. It is, but now sadly it was, a two seater car. Very low in terms of ground clearance, maybe a problem in terms of slow speeds and bumpy roads but should be an advantage when I would love to rip the machine through nerve crushing speeds. A dark navy blue color job, accentuated with a few 'BMW' and other manufacturers graphics lines. Nice Mag Wheels. The ideal car to customize. It lay in a garage, I think ready for a makeover. I used to dream about it a lot. Possibly get a great paint job, fix up the engine, put on a nice music system. Go on a nice date with my girlfriend, play nice romantic songs and cruise at a nice 40-60 kmph. Just languish and soak in the good times. Love the looks of adulation and silent, mute praise.

          But alas. It is not to be. On the day before yesterday, as always, I tried to get a glance on my dream car languishing in the garage. But I could see it. Yesterday morning, I looked carefully at the garage and well I could not see the car. It was gone. Gone. For heaven's sake. How could it? Where did it go? Oh God. I had lost my dream car. I had stared at it for so long, just dreaming about it, but doing nothing to realize the dream. Not even once enquiring about it. Well when I thought about it later, I may be a combination of both laziness and circumstances. I could have enquried about it had I been sure that I had the required financial resources to buy it. But the home loan requires me to have a good solid financial backing. And it removes all consideration for the frivolous spending. The car seemed to be like a un-necessary expense considering that I already own a car.

          When I look back at this, it pains. It saddens me, disappoints me. So many people have riches abound, many having dozens of cars at their disposal and choice. Why not me? But what is the percentage of these rich people? 15-20 percent, maybe? What about the rest? Many people live a hand-to-mouth life even for the basic necessities of food, clothing and shelter. I am not at that level. My basics are on solid ground. When other people have to care about the basics for the next day, I am assured of them with a good job. I dont need to cry about such petty things. Yes I lost a dream, yet still got many years to achieve it.

          The only time you lose is when you stop dreaming, the time when you stop following your dreams. A couple of weeks back, I read Paulo Coelho's 'The Alchemist'. Beautiful book. And it re-inforces the same virtue. It has a beautiful line 'Life really is generous to those who pursue their destiny'. And your destiny is what you dream of, what you wish to happen. As far as I understand, destiny is not written in your hands, the lines with which you are born. But it is the lines that you change when you work hard towards a cause, a dream. That is what will shape your destiny.

          Well, before I finish this blog, just got one thing to say (as one of my sisters once said to me), "GO FOR IT, TIGER".